change of seasons

Dear U,

As the autumn leaves make their final descent, I can’t help but be reminded of the way U seem to follow a similar “change of seasons” pattern to that of our local weather forecast. Just like no seasonal transition is the same, no menstrual cycle is the same for us.

We’ve had our summer cycles, hot, tiring, long and drawn out flows. Our winter storm cycles of excess blood, cold chills and depression. In our spring-time cycles, we feel renewed, at ease and excited for the opportunity to be cleansed. Then there are our autumn cycles, scattering of moods, a long wait for the “cold” to settle in and a sad sense of loss – loss of blood, loss of ourselves and a loss of those things we can’t quite explain.

U seem to follow a similar pattern as our unpredictable weather forecasts. Because of this, I don’t trust U. Just like I can’t rely on the local paper to outline how I should dress for the next day, I never know what is to come when U and I endure our cycle.

As a key participant in what happens each month to U, I feel I should have a bit of a say, or insight, on what U are planning.

U seem to have the upper hand, dictating what will and will not happen, starting and stopping things whenever you please. I am a tad frustrated at how something so close to me is sometimes so far away. To experience and be attached to something in the way that we are, yet not really know the depths of it, is maddening. Oh how  I wish I could change this sporadic behaviour. It is not good for either of us.

But is this even possible? Can it ever be possible to know U inside and out?

If we always knew when the first snow fall would arrive, would we still rush to the window, press our nose against it and be mesmerized by its beauty? Likewise, if we knew when the first spring flower would bud, would we find the same delight in it as its petals opened and leaves expanded?

If we always knew when things would happen we may lose interest in their uniqueness because they would no longer be the unknown to us, no longer be unique.

Similarity, if I knew everything U had planned, U wouldn’t be able to surprise and inspire me through life’s intuitive thoughts – those rare (but ever so important) moments of recognition where life just seems to make sense. Still, it would be nice to be able to plan out life around U and your inconsistencies,  just so my weekend plans wouldn’t fall through or so I could enjoy that bowl of ice cream, knowing I would be okay the next day.

Although we may never get to the point where your “change of seasons” are known before they arrive, I’d be okay with knowing when a few storms or perfect spring days are in the forecast for us.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s