more than a feeling

Dear U,

I’ve realized something. Before U and I connect each month, I develop a sort of paranoia about life. I get anxious about anything that requires thought, doubt becomes my primary mood and I always, always want to be left alone. Some would say: “that’s called PMS”, but I hate categorizing myself under that medical condition because it doesn’t actually help me or any woman for that matter.

These things I experience are more than a feeling, they become a state of being – my attitude toward completion and work become exceptionally negative, leading to little productivity.

Those who know me know I am not a passive, or lazy person. And I think because of this, I notice this “other” self that creeps into my thoughts and actions right before and during menstruation.

This flip-flop of emotion is scary to live through, yet I also find it comforting. It is during these times that I realized a lot about my life. For instance I’ve realize that there are many things I do simply to please (not serve) others. U help me see that although I do things because it is the right thing to do, it is important that I take stock of how doing so influences my life.

I like that U bring clarity to my emotions, even if at the time it seems to go against who I think I am. U seem to realize those things deep within me that I often suppress with work or school or obligations.

Is it wrong to think that there is a purpose to U that goes beyond the biological, a purpose that could extend to the spiritual and emotional elements of life?

Although I find these days to be frustrating and often discouraging, I do appreciate them and think I am a better person because U force me to see things I don’t want to see. It is as if our time together gives us a chance to re-evaluate and set our life back on track.

I know I don’t just speak for myself when I talk about having that feeling in our gut where things just don’t seem right, and rather than deal with them, many of us pass them off as “just hormones”.

I want to challenge you to take note of the next time you blame your feelings or actions on hormones. Really look at the situation and see if it’s something that is just a reaction, or if maybe your U has been trying to get your attention and maybe, just maybe, you will listen to Her and see what she has to show you about yourself and our world.

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